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Do you want to save the changes?

Not really.

I'm a hermit feeding the soul;

let me be.

huff & puff, I'm blown away

Feels like I’ve had this life all along, feels like I’ve just woken up and realized I’ve been living the same life all along.

By the illusionist’s “present”, it’s only been 12 days.

everything eternal is but a reference,

but a metaphor

my anxious disposition

beer

weed

sigaret

not able to cure my anxious disposition, I am addicted to imaginations.

sleep is the best medication?

Alam Semesta

Apa kata alam semesta jika perkataannya seumpama di bumi?

Jahanam parasit dalam bentuk manusia

Sedih termenung si manusia

Pedih terkenang si manusia

Kerana hakikatnya mereka cucu-cicitku...

Harinya akan tiba bila aku akan telan semua

bedtime stories

I arrived at the distant new planet, alien and unsympathetic.

I vaguely remembered my flight here: I didn’t fly like a bird, it was more like an extended elevation.

Moonlight spilled over and a smokey river called out my true name.

I approached it… the waves were beating at a huge rock and laughing at the way I walked.

It then lifted the rock and said to me,

“Meet my twin, but you’ll need the VLM”.

VLM (Very Large Microscope) is the twin of VLT (Very Large Telescope) and both proved to be very useful.

Under the rock and lens, it was finally visible: tiny glowing particles.

Syncronized, both emerged from their habitat and morphed together into a human shape with vibrating waves and particles colliding to create an increasingly blinding yet beautiful light, stained only by their cynical remark.

Waves: “We supposed that this form…

Particles: …ugly as it is…

Both: …will make it easier for you”.

What was on my mind at that moment was beyond logical incarceration, as though open and ready for anything, I asked, “Am I dead”?

Somehow that sounded like a joke to them.

So I asked again, “Is he really not that into me”?

That crafted a seriousness to them and they replied, “ Yes, that is true. He is not that into you because you are not that desirable”.

“Oh…I see…” were the only words I managed.

“You are ugly and doomed to fail”, the diabolical human shape said to me, rather indifferently.

It was getting unpleasant so I left. Truth be told, I ran away from the blinding light to a dark corner where the ground was uneven and the temperature felt warmer.

Here in the dark lived a leper.

Me: “How did you end up here”?

Leper: “I can’t remember but you are so beautiful”.

Me: “How did you get this disease”?

Leper: “I don’t remember, does it matter? Your voice is so lovely”.

I guessed it didn’t matter so instead of more questions, I simply shrugged. What happened next was weird: the leper drew near to me and kissed my hands fanatically.

“You are so wise and unique; I think I am in love with you”.

The leper was on a roll.

“God sent you here to aid me from my sufferings”.

It was unnerving so with no sudden movements, I slowly backed away from the leper.

Slightly traumatized by both encounters, I retreated to the edge of the planet and attempted to light a cigarette to calm my nerves. My lighter fell to the ground, right on top of the words in the rough sands that read Hey You.

I knelt down to take a closer look and like a really cool magic trick, the words kept coming:

This is for your own good.

Please answer the following questions:

Ha 1. Have you in any way harmed or injured a zebra before in your life?

2. Have you in any way harmed or injured a zebra before in your dreams?

3. Do you own anything made out of zebra’s skin or body parts?

4. Do you enjoy watching zebra being killed by predators on TV?

I answered no to all by yelling my answers out loud but not without a slight hesitation to the last question. I then waited for what felt like eternity for new words to appear or something to happen before something finally did.

The lines were forming in the sands but clearly not of words; it was of a zebra’s face. I quickly learned that it was a pretty cool prelude to the actual zebra that miraculously appeared few nano seconds later, complete with all body parts.

It was quite a funny image: imagine me riding on a zebra; but as a matter of fact I really enjoyed it, less commercial as riding a unicorn.

Time spent with Z (for zebra) felt relatively inadequate before the interruption occurred, and it came in the form of a white rabbit, the most obvious clues possible. What else could I have done but follow it? And follow it I did, to a large tunnel made entirely of metals.

There was a sign at the mouth of the tunnel that educate readers about its procedures. Travelers need to keep their mind blank and those with poor control will just have to take their chances.

I didn’t understand it and all I felt was intense fear from looking at the monstrous beasts who were guarding the tunnel; how on planet could I keep my mind blank I had no idea but I did what I felt right: I followed the white rabbit.

I remembered feeling uneasy when the intimadating gatekeepers let me through, I couldn’t help but noticed and bothered by their snickering, like they knew something I didn’t.

Inside the tunnel, I was right behind the rabbit and Z was tailing me. It felt and appeared like a good quality tunnel, its maker put in great efforts and solid materials. Damn, my mind was anything but blank.

First there was a rumbling sound then an explosion of light. I tried to keep my mind blank by closing my eyes and that was when I felt it: great pain as though being hit by a trillion balls. The force that came at us was so strong that it carried our flesh away, literally. I couldn’t close my eyes anymore because I had no eyelids; they flew away, and for a brief moment, I saw stuff that blew my mind, right before my eyes flew away too.

For the record, there were more than a trillion balls, each the size of a ping pong. They traveled fast and when came into contact with our vibrating flesh, two outcomes presented itself: 1) they stamped-out or simply disappeared 2) they became something else.

Several millions of them crashed straight into my left arm and just vanished with a bang. Others took my right leg off but instead of vanishing, they merged and drifted away before I could make out what they’ve become.

Before long, I was no more but a thought. I am trying my best to describe what it was like but what it was like is really beyond words.

I thought for sure I’m dead or finally liberated but guessed my mind wasn’t blank so I woke up to this nut house world instead.

The Aloof Fool

"It's like I lost something, so I began to babble like a fool.

There must be something I can do that will not predictably fall into futility.

If only I can cleverly decipher these dreams.

But if somebody turns this into a song, I'll kill myself".

Said the aloof fool.

Taufu Snafu

laying low and chilling; temporary taufu to escape from that stupid snafu

Vedas:

Truth is one, the sages speak of it by many names.

atonement (at-one-ment)

my double monsters never left, never joined hands;

guess that's why I'm still here.

ecila.

becoming ecila

心常平

不願重蹈覆轍

平常心

平常心

平常心

Alice likes

the face of infatuation, just right before it turns into something.

at times, she hopes to see the face lingers longer but that's just wishful thinking.

;-) ;-D ;-x ;-} ;-p ;->;-O

I can't wink to save my own life, that's why I do the emoticon.

everybody now.

|||

Alice: I must admit

that I have no real control over these external playthings. The only thing I can hope to achieve is for my mind to move & evolve faster than this decaying body, so I may withstand the curse of societies that tricks you into thinking this is what you want.

eternal recurrence

is inevitable but a great escape is probable.

N

"That which we now call the world is the result of a host of errors and fantasies which have gradually arisen in the course of the total evolution of organic nature, have become entwined with one another and are now inherited by us as the accumulated treasure of the entire past".

emotional knots take longer.

cosmic conflict

ecila: I'm not ordering my mind; I'm simply attempting to be friends with my mind.

my demise

is just a hairpin curve away.

she found herself without sufficient reasons relaxed and confident.

for 3 seconds.

you and I seemed monstrously improbable.

not anymore.

longing is a motherfucker

uh huh

http://tentativeworkingtitle.blogspot.com/

阿拉伯海之女皇－科钦的梦幻神话

Prelude

天空晦暗，呼啸的寒风如影随形， 今天的中午有点阴郁并不见一贯阳光的行踪。车子里的我背离吉隆坡城市越来越远，细得像雾一样的雨滴潇洒地落向地面。此刻，我并没想到眼前的雨景将在数小时后牵引出一段动人的诗意。

The Departure

机身在风雨中摇晃，翘首看见安全扣带指示灯闪烁不停，美丽的空中小姐柔中带刚地阻止乘客们离开座位。

突然，善变的天空一瞬间转晴，窗外云层间更诞生一道完美动人的彩虹，让窗内的我看得出神，心里更是美滋滋。我留意到这份诗意也欣赏宇宙的天趣。我想．．．这是一个good omen。

果然，在科钦的旅程不但让我感受及体验精神愉悦更让我结识了一群千里远的善良新朋友。

First Night in a Dream

科钦，印度：抵达机场时已是凌晨时分，夜色幽深而沉静。

大约４５分钟车程后，的士司机指向前方，我抬头一望看见像霜雪一样白的高楼，正面蓝色发亮的巨型英文字母拼出一个抢眼又时髦的梦幻精品酒店－Dream Hotel。　

酒店大堂的四只金象各自仰望顶棚的魔幻水晶吊灯，形成一个引人入境界的画面。

一会儿后，我独自一人在蓝白的梦幻睡房里点燃我抵达科钦后的第一支香烟，全然感受此刻。

Call to Adventure

第二天早上，我会见了来自世界各地的新朋友，彼此更热情地自我介绍。接着，我们乘坐一辆白得耀眼的车子穿梭在科钦的街头小巷。　

这里巨大又满载的巴士，古老脚踏车、飞驰的电单车及人群等紧紧地挨挤在狭窄的街道。而夏天毕竟是属于印度的，她的热浪夹带着空中的阴霾更显得无情。车内的我们犹如一群受保护动物，隔着脆硬透明的车窗见识科钦小镇的风尘仆仆。　

许多曾经到访印度的游客一般上都爱认同这里紧张忙乱的节奏感，确实也如此。但传闻其热土实际上还有另一个属于超现实主义者的旋律：科钦小城故事多，感觉犹如置身其境但又不。　

当地人民的脸谱纹满了为粗茶淡饭而奔劳的岁月痕迹；因为物质生活较简单也因此没有像城市人有多余时间沉溺于琐碎的烦恼习气。科钦人民虽然生活疾苦但干贫守分，小日子过得美满。

半途中，我们到坐落于Fort Cochin港口的圣芳济教堂(St. Francis Church)一览。这里曾经是葡萄牙航海家达伽马（Vasco da Gama） 的葬身处，如今是当地居民向神默告及祈求免祸降福的地方。

初踏进其历史悠久的教堂，映入眼帘的是一个简陋的三维空间；数名身穿莎丽的印度妇女正诚心祈祷，室内受困的暑气招惹小飞虫在访客的头顶上围绕。基督教与印度的科钦各自不同的背景及彼此的缘分把此地变得格外有意思及有特色。

这时候，我思及宇宙万物的新奇巧妙及无形关系并不禁赞叹这朦胧空幻的梦境是多么的美丽。　

教堂外，大家为了要寻索故事题材于是都选择了漫步。一路上，我们经过古老的大树也看见退色的墙面贴满了政治宣言。　

我们来到弥漫风情的科钦渔港。这里，渔夫们与流传于中国古代网鱼架相依为命，懒惰的水鸟则在旁等待良机。像一群汗流侠背的外星人， 我们不停捕捉眼前的镜头，希望能从中深入浅出地领悟生命之奥妙。

过后，阿拉伯海之女皇邀请我们到清幽的Backwaters 体验她的天籁。我们乘坐快艇进入水乡，瞧见天际的渔夫静候以及岸边的孩童向我们笑盈盈招手。接着，我们被传送到另一艘较大的船只，就像害怕惊醒沉睡的美人鱼，我们乘坐的船只安静又缓慢的前进并留下一道白痕浪。某个神话说美人鱼能活上三千年之久但命终时便会化成水面的白泡。细细想来，人生本来就是短暂无常，确实没有人例外。

夜晚，我们回到了Dream Hotel；如今大伙儿显得更加投缘只可惜时不我与。

The Return

天空又刮风下雨而我的离愁别绪也特别浓。　

我回想在科钦的美好时光：

因为爱愿望，爱理想、爱幻想，因此灵魂回位后还依然思念也是预料中的事。

科钦…我生命中的一段美好插曲。　

参考资料：

Vikram Chatwal Dream Cochin　精品酒店（５星级）

地址：S.A. Road, Elamkulam Jn., Kadavanthara, Cochin, 20, Kerala, India

網址：www.dreamcok.com

喀拉拉邦旅遊局www.keralatourism.org

to read the words in English - click on http://alicemj.blogspot.com/2009/04/myths-dreams-in-cochin-india.html

a trip for two

Alice looked at his wrist: blue and black from the wooden spatula.

Without a word, she swept up the broken pieces scattered on the floor.

Then everything happened so fast, no one saw how she did it but she somehow turned the pieces into two mugs of chilled beer.

He cheered and the two drank it up; seemingly oblivious of what it was before. Perhaps something to do with their frequent visitation to the oblivion. Hah!

Next, as though in a trance, the two stumbled their way to a magnificent gateway. It was so magnificent, other words like great would just sound lame in comparison.

Alice took out a stolen subtle knife and started cuttting at the gateway; her action fatefully revealed its spongelike texture.

Soon, there was a visible hole for both to squeeze through, and they did.

On the other side, there was nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

recent

The Dusty Room on an Island

When the sunlight shines through the curtainless window pane, dustlike particles become visible in mid-air. My nose is red and my eyes are watery. I look like someone who just lost love but it's just dust.

Stumbled upon

in a moment of time, Elsa Mora drew this, which to Alice, looked a bit like her(her kind of dress)...drowning in Magic Mushrooms...

Then she received this piece of music from a buddy, so she put two together.

Sendiri Syok Sendiri.

Purely Self-indulgence.

x

slightly disturbed, mostly fascinated

sendiri syok sendiri

Sing a Song!

Subjective viewpoints from a singer turned radio deejay.  

“Hey, you’re that singer. Sing a song”!

“Hey,  no”.

He’s an artist.

 

“Hey, you’re that singer. Sing a song”!

“Sure”.

He’s a celebrity.

 

Everyone is conditioned, so no judgments are necessary. 

Regardant La Peinture Secher

Fragile Harmony

last Saturday, Alice was at an art exhibition on the road of Jalan Berangan & saw a real treat!

" I get it"!

Translation:

Jalan(Malay) = Road 

Berangan(Malay) = Daydream